Jana (adelviento) wrote in sacrificium,

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Hi, I'm the mod/founder of this community, adelviento. I'm 25 years old and have been in a committed relationship for over a year now.

I think that if I'm going to expect other people that join this community to be honest and open about their sexuality, I need to be the first to disclose. For a long time I have had a lot of sexual confusion. I have shifted between phases of using sex as a means to keep men in my life, to feeling revulsion at the thought of having sex, to feeling cheap and used, to not even wanting to be a woman anymore. Often I've felt dirty and fantasized about being sex-neutral, without any internal or external sex organs. This all comes and goes.

There have been many times where I've been very proud to be a woman and I certainly have never wanted to be a man. But I can't deny there are times when I deffinetly experience erotophobia, and I'm going through some of it right now. I love my boyfriend deeply, but my arousal response to him right now is very low and I have been making excuses to avoid sexual encounters with him. It hurts, because I know how important being intimate is to him and I want to be able to make him happy in that way.

I am also bi-curious. I have been attracted to women before, but I have never experienced being with one. I wonder how that might fit into all of this.

I created this community because this was something I couldn't write about in my journal. I wanted to be able to express myself and share my thoughts and feelings about this issue with others that understand what I am going through. I hope that this community will grow, nourish itself, and help many. :)
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